This is Your Last Defense

A stamp is forever.

I went to the post office today and noticed that if you want to buy more than one stamp from their vending machine, you must purchase "forever" stamps.

First of all, this is a blatant lie and the American public should not tolerate it. Forever stamps CAN NOT POSSIBLY last forever. They are made of paper and biodegradable for heaven's sake. Besides that, I'm sure they won't even be considered legal postage in a mere 80 years. To make my point I have decided to purchase a small number of these stamps and save them to use in 50 or so years. Someone in the "Postal Service of the New Republic of Americanus" will get it and be astonished that anyone would actually use such a treasured artifact of North American history in an attempt to mail out a bill.

Also, they may wonder why I don't use my thought processor chip to send the bill automatically when I think about needing to pay it. Then they will realize that in the modern age of intelle-transporting letters and goods, there is no reason why his job or the Postal Service even exists anymore. He will lobby in the Congress of the New Republic for reform in the communications sector to cut wasteful spending such as keeping a useless post office open when we can beam our packages telepathically and also fry a chicken via a similar use of technology. The motion will be approved and it will be named the Nathan Sloan Initiative to Dismantle Obsolete Governmental Services, or NSIDOGS for short. To commemorate my great achievement they will release a six piece commemorative set of stamps - which they will quickly recall and destroy a couple of days later. What an ironic mistake on their part!

If my sandwich had feet I'm sure it would run but thankfully it's incapable of defending itself in any way.