Money and a Passport

Seething

There are few things in life that I can say, unapologetically, that I hate. Miracle Whip is one of those things.

Somewhere in the mind of a slightly demented Kraft chef there formed this idea for a mayonnaise substitute. I can respect those who do not like mayo, but when they reach for the Miracle Whip in its stead, I give them a stern and disapproving glare. My own sister is one such person, a champion of "the whip" and bologna in particular. When I tell her that I cannot tolerate such blasphemy of condiments in our home refrigerator, she asks what is wrong with it. Let me name the ways.
1) It's a cheap, dirty imitation of a condiment that is real and much better in its natural state.
2) It's proprietary. Only Kraft can make it. I don't trust proprietary condiments.
3) What some refer to as its "tangy zip," I refer to as it's "nausea-factor."
4) I can't prove it, but I think it's at fault for our current economic downturn.

The bottom line is this. Miracle Whip is the Elvis impersonator of sandwich spreads. It takes the worst of mayo's career and parades it around in diamond studded leather jackets and smells funnier than it should. No one likes an intrusive and annoyingly inaccurate Elvis impersonator, am I right? Maybe that will help those of you that don't share my distaste to understand the feeling I get when I see Miracle Whip.

Horror.

Why can't Black friday be followed by rainbow Saturday? Rainbow Saturday is when all the crazy-awesome sales would be.