Yes, it Looks Absolutely Horrible

Mall-ventures

We took our family trip to the mall today and absolutely killed it. I'm so tired right now I could collapse into a heap, (and I think shall as soon and I'm done writing this).

At some point during our adventure we passed an Orange Julius, and being keen on their "Strawberry Sensation" smoothie, I asked my parents to wait while I got one. Before I could get in line I heard a weak, strangly accented voice call out to me from some unknown direction.
"Excuse me, sir. Can I ask ju something?"
I looked around. This encouraged her and she spoke again, in a more confident tone.
"Excuse me, sir. Can I ask ju something?"
"Huh?" I mumble, finally locking eyes with a short, dark-skinned girl at a kiosk next to the O.J., "What?"
"Can I ask ju something?"
I walk up to her.
"Are ju shopping for a gift?" she asks, pulling me in closer to the kiosk.
"No ma'am. I'm actually looking for a smoothie, I'm not shopping for anyone right now so I'm afraid I won't..."
"Can I just ask you something?" she interrupts.
"Sure."
"Let me see jour thumb," she says, putting down a tray of lotion samples and picking up a strange, multi-colored block.
"Um, ok."
I give her my thumb without thinking, (it's funny the things you'll do when asked by a stranger with an overly happy expression on their face). For the next minute or so she takes to buffing the crap out of my right thumbnail, yapping incessantly and pausing only to show me the different colored sides before explaining what they do. I nervously look over my shoulder from time to time and catch glimpses of my family waiting in a huddle with annoyed looks of their faces. I try to keep my cool. In my mind I have picked out a polite but firm declining statement which I will use as soon as she releases my hand.
"Are ju ready for dis?" she asks, still buffing.
"Oh, am I ready?" I ask, "This is going to amaze me, then?"
"Um, jes," she says, laughing.
"Should I be sitting down for this?" I ask.
She stares at me for a moment, obviously completely confused.
"Ha, jes. If we had a place here, you sit on it."
Finally she stops buffing and reveals my nail. In silent horror, I observe its new, absolutely glasslike sheen.
"An ju know how long this gonna last?" she asks.
Please say a few hours. Please say a few hours...
"This gonna last three weeks," she continues, "and dis is our cuticle lotions, it makes jour cuticles more healthy and better looking like dis."
She applies the oil to my thumb and picks up the package containing all of the products.
"Now," she continues, "I want ju to look at both tumbs side-by-side. Everything I just use come in dis package. You know someone you could buy dis for?"
Still in a mild state of shock, I'm looking back and forth at my normal thumbnail and the reflection of neon lights from kiosk signs in the other.

Eventually I pried my way out of her shiny grip and procured a smoothie for myself, but not before giving my parents a good laugh at the site of my nail. I sipped and walked on, wondering how awkward the whole situation would have been if I were missing a thumb.

Why isn't the word palindrome a palindrome?